June 8, 2010

Is it more than laziness?

I have to admit that in the last few months I have had several times where I have had no desire to do anything. Usually I could sit down and say "I would love to _______," but lately I can think of nothing I would like to do. There are plenty of things that I should be doing (housework, reading, blogging) but I am utterly unmotivated to do any of them. Half the time I don't even want to watch TV or read a book.

I don't feel like I'm being lazy (although my actions may point in that direction), I WANT to want to do these things, but my body and mind can't seem to join forces with my will. In my mind, being lazy is an utter disregard for fulfilling your responsibilities and obligations. I think of it as "not caring" whether or not you do what you are supposed to do. I envision a teenager lounging on a couch eating out of a cereal box. My problem has been that I do care, but I have trouble revving myself up to get things done.

I want my house to be clean. I know how to clean my house, but sometimes I feel like I hit a physical wall that prevents me from just getting up and doing things. Is that crazy? I get frustrated with myself for not living up to my own expectations.

I guess I should just suck it up and do what needs to be done. Will there ever come a day that I will do things because I "want" to? I would love to have a passion that fuels my days, but lately I've been running on empty. I know that this is just a season and one day it will pass. It's so frustrating though. I'm not the wife and mother I want to be. 

So here's hoping that today I can do what needs to be done, that I can be proud of what I accomplished, and that I can find a bit of joy and motivation.


1 comment:

  1. I completely understand how you feel. There are some days where I just feel like doing nothing and even watching TV is too much work. Lately I have been thinking I have been trying to do too much and something has to give, the problem being I am not sure what. I hope things get better for you and know that you are supported!


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