April 6, 2013
Even if no one cares . . .
I write because I love to write. It's one of those deep down, "I have to do it or I might explode," type of urges. There have been nights when I've already crawled beneath the covers and quite literally have to get up and start writing because I can't go to sleep until I vomit my ideas out on paper (or in most cases, onto the computer screen). Sometimes, the things I write are deep and insightful. Other times, they're just a jumbled rush of half-thought out ideas with a title slapped on top.
I've always had a desire for significance. I think we all do. We want people to look at us and say "You know _______ he/she is great at ___________." We want to be known. We want to be valued. We want to be appreciated.
And that is where blogging has been both a blessing and a burden. I pour my heart into a post and then I wait.
"Will they like it?"
"Will it make a difference?"
"Does anyone even care?"
In this social media driven world, we bloggers know that to build an audience we have to connect with our readers. Honestly, it's something I really enjoy doing. So I share a blog post on Twitter or on Facebook and I wait some more.
Ok, let's be honest, I stalk the posts - waiting for some affirmation. I check back to see if it has been "liked" or "shared" or if anyone has left a comment.
I treat those little "likes" like a tip jar. Emotional currency.
I have to stop.
I can't wrap up my worth in whether or not people show up at my blog. I can't get depressed when only fifteen people read a blog post that took an hour to write (darn you google analytics for telling me the truth). I can't get depressed when I know that half of the people who read the post HAVE to because they're related to me.
I guess the problem is that in my own mind I think I'm doing something special - that the world should take notice of what I have to say. The truth is, I'm one of many. So many of us have something to say and only a few people to say it to. . . .and that's OK.
If there's one thing I've been learning over the last few years it's to be faithful where you are, with what you've been given. God has an amazing way of rewarding faithfulness - even if it's nothing more than "entering into the joy of your Master."
When I'm faithful with the little things, writing to an audience of One, He's able to take my little and make it much. He's able to open doors and opportunities that I only imagined - and as cliche as that sounds, it really has happened. My worth isn't found in what I do, my success or my failure, but in what He's done. He looks for willing hearts, to use the "weak things of this world to shame the strong." I'm glad that He works that way.
So, even if no one cares, I'm still going to keep writing, because I know in my heart that it's what I was created to do. It's the "talent" God has entrusted to me, and one day I'll stand before him and return to Him the investment. My prayer is that I will hear these words:
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness! (Matthew 25:23)
Even if no one else cares . . . He does.