March 5, 2013

If only . . .

Ah, the Joneses. That elusive couple who always seem to have it all together, or so it seems. I don't know if you're like me, but sometimes I get caught up in the trap of the "if only." If only I had their opportunities. If only I had their talents. If only I had their resources.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just took the time and focused on one thing. These days I'm spread thin. There are a thousand different things going on. A thousand different responsibilities and tasks that need to be accomplished, and in the midst of the busyness, I hear that sneaky lie: "You're not good enough." I look at mom bloggers with book deals and large followings. I see women my age speaking at conferences and events. I see talented and successful people all around me, and instead of rejoicing in their successes, I throw myself a pity party. My favorite guest to my pity parties is a fellow named "if only."

If only I had time to focus on my goals and dreams.
If only I was well rested instead of bursting at the seams.
If I only had the talents that I see in those nearby.
Then I'd be something special
Then I'd catch someone's eye.

If I only had more hours and more minutes in my day,
If only I could use them well, there's so much I could say
If only I could find one thing at which I could excel.
Then I would be successful.
Then I'd be doing something swell.

If onlys flit and flutter from the corners of my mind
They whisper disappointment with the weaknesses they find
They're sneaky little devils and their thoughts are less than kind
If only I could shut them up
Attack them from behind

I've had enough "if onlys." I'm done. I'm through. That's all.
They steal the joy from living, if you're always scared you'll fall.
How many hours have I wasted, wishing for things I do not need.
Wasted days and wasted years, hoping one day to succeed.

I am enough, my Spirit says. Enough for what is needed.
I don't have to stop and dwell on how the others have succeeded
Each one's unique. Each one's their own. Their path's their own to take.
I will not stop to dwell on troubles or on my own mistakes.

If onlys should be sent to where if onlys do belong
In some sad, pathetic lyric of a whining country song.
They do little to support you on the pathway to your dreams.
If onlys, you're not welcome here.
I won't fall for your schemes.


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